


a secondary conflict

by risquebusiness



Series: Dark!Dirk AU [3]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Conflict, Dark!Dirk & Dark!Todd, Dark!Dirk AU, Emotional Manipulation, Love and Devotion of a Very Unhealthy Kind, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, Vulnerability, threat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25814971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risquebusiness/pseuds/risquebusiness
Summary: It's rare that Todd sees Dirk looking so normal, sovulnerableas he does when he's asleep, and it's something that brings up an awful lot of emotion that he's not entirely sure what to do with. Either way he knows that Dirk wouldn't appreciate him bringing up any of it, and in the end that just makes it harder to work out what he wants.This is set in a Dark!Dirk AU where Dirk has been swapped with his alternate universe self. A look at the dynamic between the alternate Dark!Dirk and Dark!Todd, in a rarer, gentler moment.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Series: Dark!Dirk AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1251128
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	a secondary conflict

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it's been a while! 
> 
> I realise that logically this isn't the best fic to post to give you the first proper look at the dynamic between Dark!Dirk and Dark!Todd seeing as I've never written them together before, but if you've read part one and part two (which I really hope you have because nothing about this AU will make sense if you haven't) then you'll have a pretty good understanding of what each of these versions of the characters are like and the relationship that developed between them.
> 
> I'm still working on this as a fuller fic, hopefully one that will tie together all of the bits and pieces I'm posting here but for now I realised that I have a _lot_ of little bits like this knocking around that won't make it into the full fic, and I thought some of you might like to read them. 
> 
> So, as usual pay attention to the warnings (although somewhat strangely this is the least warning filled so far), don't read it if you don't like the concept, and enjoy yourself if you do!

Dirk always falls asleep after Todd, if he sleeps at all that is. It's strange really, that Todd is willing to be so vulnerable around him, that he's even _able_ to drift off on the occasions he's actually permitted to stay in his bed rather than being shoved off back to his own room. Oddly he finds the nights he spends alone much harder to get through, despite the fact that they're less likely to result in waking up in some unpleasant way. He thinks Dirk probably gets a kick out of having him asleep next to him while he watches. If he finds him important enough to watch. 

Either way, it's rare that Todd wakes up to him still in the bed, rarer still that he wakes up before him, but then again it _is_ the middle of the night and no reasonable hour to be waking in the first place. He doesn't know what woke him, but it takes him a minute to find his bearings in the darkness, wondering if perhaps it's another of Dirk's games. But the room is quiet and still, he hasn't been moved from the spot he fell asleep in, and next to him he notices with no small amount of wonder, Dirk is sound asleep himself.

He's never seen him like this before. In all the time they've been together Dirk has never done something so... _normal_ around him. Todd knows that Dirk doesn't trust anyone like that, he knows enough to know that he's afraid to be vulnerable around anyone, if afraid is the right word. He thinks it is, even if he wouldn't dare suggest it. It makes his heart skip to realise that he's done it now, seen Todd as someone safe enough to let his guard down even the slightest bit. He doesn't know if it's because Dirk trusts him, or if he just doesn't consider him a threat, and even though he hopes it's the former he's not sure he minds either way.

For a long while Todd just watches the rise and fall of his chest, slow and steady under the faint light from the window, playing across his face and casting him in shadow. Even now he doesn't look calm. Sleeping flat out on his back with his fingers laced together, resting his hands on his stomach in a position that can hardly be defined as relaxed. He _is_ relaxed though, at least more so than Todd's ever seen him. Loose and pliant where he rests, the slight furrow of his brow the only suggestion that he isn't completely at ease. Todd wonders if he's dreaming, wonders what he sees if he is. 

He should leave it be, turn over and go back to sleep because he doubts Dirk waking up to find himself being watched is something he'd appreciate, but it's a rare gift that he can't look away from. He doesn't really think before he reaches out, tracing delicate fingertips over his brow, down the side of his face. It's a lovers caress, one he has no right to be giving but he can't _not_. Not when he doesn't know if he'll ever have the chance to again, the gentle moments between them few and far apart. Which isn't to say he wants the gentleness, and he isn't sure he wants them to be sweet either, but it wouldn't go amiss every now and again. The intimacy they're missing, the closeness he craves when he can admit to himself that it _hurts_ to know Dirk wouldn't want the same from him. That he might push him away if he knew he wanted it at all. He'd accepted long ago that loving Dirk was going to be a long lesson in pain that he never sought to learn from, but he'd rather be longing for him when he gets something than getting nothing and longing all the same. Dirk couldn't have designed a better torture than the one Todd can bring upon himself, knowing Dirk will never hurt the same way over him.

Todd _could_ hurt him though. Not the same way, perhaps, but he knows he _could_. Knows he has before, even if he pays dearly for it. Landing a hit on Dirk Gently isn't something easily done though, and even when it is it's for some other purpose. He's always in control.

But right now... 

Todd could kill him before he knew a single thing about it. He could knock him out properly, tie him down and wait for him to come round. He could cut him, or burn him, or do any number of terrible things Dirk wouldn't think twice about doing to him. That, if he'd been able to fall asleep next to him so easily, he clearly assumes Todd would think twice about, if he'd thought he'd think of it at all. Really the show of trust should warm him, and somewhere deep down it does, but right now the thought that Dirk thinks he wouldn't _consider_ hurting him, perhaps even that he wouldn't _dare_ has set something hot and angry burning in his chest that he doesn't know what to do with.

His hand still rests at his cheek, cupping his face gentle as anything and he finds himself angered by his own stupidity. The thought that such a gesture would _mean_ anything when Dirk would never allow it normally, the thought that he'd been _right_ to trust him, of Todd's first thought was to do something so sweet when finding him so vulnerable. He knows he wouldn't be afforded the same, and it's so very easy to let that hurt feed the fire in his chest, the uncomfortable pit in his stomach that has him dragging his hand down unthinkingly to wrap his fingers around Dirks throat.

He doesn't press. Doesn't squeeze. Doesn't do anything other than watch his face as his hand rests there, just as gentle as his other touches had been, frozen at the unfamiliar feeling of being the one who has control. He's holding Dirk's life in his hands right now, the potential of it is something overwhelming and he wills himself to lean into it, to tighten his grip, just to see what it's like. Maybe to see what Dirk finds so appealing about it in the first place. Maybe to see if it would scare him, or if even then, with Todd driving the life from his body he'd fail to consider him a threat.

He doesn't know if he _wants_ Dirk to feel threatened by him, but he wants him to feel _something_. 

Frozen with indecision he simply stares. He’d acted impulsively, and now he’s had chance to think he finds himself uncertain, Todd never knows what he _wants_ these days, which is a lot easier when he doesn’t have a say in the matter either way. Right now he could do anything, and the thought alone is terrifying. Not quite as terrifying as the way Dirk’s hand slips gently around his wrist and he opens his eyes to look up at him. 

Tired, Todd registers, which is only fair considering he’s just woken up, but beyond that he looks… _open_. Moreso than Todd has ever seen him at least, regarding him curiously as their eyes meet. Todd doesn’t look away, or can’t perhaps, but it doesn’t seem to bother Dirk who hasn’t tightened his grip at all, holding Todd’s wrist loosely much like he’s merely resting his hand there for a while. He’s waiting, Todd realises after a moment, something clicking into place when he realises that Dirk has done nothing to compensate for his vulnerability. Submissive is not a word he’d ever apply to Dirk, but right now it seems like the only one that fits, and if the way Todd can feel his heart in his throat is anything to go by the thought of it _terrifies_ him. He may want more from Dirk than he’s willing to give, but he doesn’t want control. He doesn’t want to know what it would be like to take that from him. He doesn’t want to know what it would be like to press down and steal his breath. He’s still frozen in the moment though, unsure if he’s more worried about going through with it, or about what Dirk is going to do when this is over. 

In the end, he doesn’t have to make his own decision after all. Dirk tightens his grip on his wrist just enough for Todd to follow his lead when he sits up, guiding him back gently until he’s got him on his back, wrist pinned to the pillow above his head as he leans over him. Todd feels a swell of something in his chest, but he can’t tell if it’s more fear or relief unless it’s some mix of the two. Dirk is still watching him with that open, curious look on his face that he hasn’t the first idea what to do with when he realises for what might be the first time, that Dirk isn’t threatening him. He’s just watching, cataloguing, looking for something and as vulnerable as Todd feels right now he also feels _safe_ , because despite the way he’d taken his control back Dirk looks just as vulnerable himself, the space between them alight with something softer than before, something he wants to keep close. For a long while they simply watch each other, Todd being unable to look away, and if Dirk can then he clearly doesn’t want to. Instead he reaches out to brush Todd’s hair away from his face, watches his expression as he cups his cheek gently. Todd wants to lean into it, but he doesn’t dare move, holding his breath when Dirk leans in and presses a soft kiss to his forehead. 

“Sleep.”

It’s little more than a whisper, and Todd barely has time to register it before Dirk sighs softly and moves to tuck his face into Todd’s neck, effectively pinning him to the bed as he relaxes against him. It’s all he can do to stare at the ceiling, body tense with uncertainty as he waits. And waits. And _waits-_

“ _Todd_ ,” he breathes, nipping at the skin of his neck in gentle reprimand. “ _Sleep_.”

He wonders how Dirk expects him to do that, wonders what the _hell_ he’s even supposed to do with this, whatever it even _is_ , but if there’s one thing Todd is good at when it comes to Dirk, it’s doing as he’s told. He forces himself to relax, exhaling with a heavy sigh and Dirk hums his sleepy approval as he starts to let himself drift. 

The last thing he’s aware of is Dirk’s thumb brushing the inside of his wrist where his hand still rests around it, and the thought that he should have tried harder to stay awake, knowing the moment will be gone by morning.

**Author's Note:**

> So, there we are! The first look at these two together, and given everything laid out in the previous fics I've no doubt this struck a different chord to what some of you may have expected, but I wanted to show that this _thing_ that they have really is deeper and more complicated than it looks to our Dirk and Todd. And, well. Fucked up love isn't the same without the love, is it? 
> 
> I'm not really expecting many comments on this fic, but I'll take them if you have them. I hope you got something out of this.
> 
> If for some reason you read the tags, didn't like it, and read it anyway you can keep those comments to yourself.
> 
> Hope you're keeping well!


End file.
